{"id":3381,"date":"2018-04-30T14:18:29","date_gmt":"2018-04-30T14:18:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/?p=3381"},"modified":"2018-04-30T14:18:29","modified_gmt":"2018-04-30T14:18:29","slug":"coltu-pinguinului-43","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/?p=3381","title":{"rendered":"COLTU  PINGUINULUI"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/?attachment_id=3039\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3039\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-3039 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/pinguin-300x150.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"150\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/pinguin-300x150.png 300w, https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/pinguin-250x125.png 250w, https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/pinguin.png 569w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>Nu m-a mai r\u0103bdat inima \u015fi am vorbit cu Doamne-Doamne, vizavi de ultimele evenimente d\u00een via\u0163a mea d\u0103 p\u0103m\u00eentean \u015fi a voastr\u0103, evident, de c\u0103sc\u0103tori d\u0103 gur\u0103 \u015fi d\u0103 oichi la abera\u0163iile cu care m-a \u00eenzestrat Mama Natur\u0103 s\u0103 vi le prezint \u00een direct \u015fi-n reluare d\u0103 c\u00eete ori vrea mu\u0219chii mei.<br \/>\nSimt c\u0103 s\u00eent la o r\u0103scruce, Doamne-Doamne, \u0219i nu \u0219tiu \u00eencotro s-o iau. \u00centr-o parte e Livache cu Teleormanul lui, \u00een cealalt\u0103 se vede fundul blond al lui tanti Nu\u021bi Udrea, \u00een spate nu v\u0103d nimic, c\u0103 m\u0103 uit cam rar \u0219i serviciile merg mai mult p\u0103 lateralul meu, c\u0103 n-au loc, ce mai, am r\u0103mas numai cu fa\u021ba. O fa\u021b\u0103 care nu-mi aduce nimic nou, d\u00een ce observ \u0219i critic p\u0103 sticl\u0103. Bine d\u0103 Dumneata, c\u0103 nu \u0219tii d\u0103 frica pesedeului, \u00eenc\u0103 n-a ajuns p\u0103 acolo, p\u00een ceruri, s\u0103-\u021bi cear\u0103 cotiza\u021bie \u0219i aripi, ca s\u0103 zburde Livake Teleorm\u0103neanul, acest SPAIM\u0102MEN al \u021b\u0103rii, mai dihai ca spaidermen, stai acolo, sus, ca Maz\u0103re \u00een Madagascar \u0219i numeri nucile d\u0103 cocos ale lui tanti Nu\u021bi Udrea. C\u0103 i-am spus lui tanti Nu\u021ba Cucu, odat\u0103, \u0219i \u00een vis \u0219\u00een vea\u021ba real\u0103: Stimabilo, dac\u0103 erai blond\u0103 \u0219i aveai cu 39 d\u0103 ani mai pu\u021bin nu \u0219tiu ce-\u021bi f\u0103ceam, c\u0103, la c\u00eete cuceriri am avut speriasem farmacistele cu cererile mele d\u0103 unguent pentru buci, c\u0103 \u00eencepusem s\u0103 fac b\u0103t\u0103turi \u0219i coji d\u0103 portocal\u0103 d\u0103 la at\u00eeta c\u0103l\u0103rit. Am avut d\u0103 toate, blonde, brunete, cafenii, spiralate, ondulate, d\u0103 mi-au z\u00ees vecinii c\u0103 am salon d\u0103 coafur\u0103, a\u0219a d\u0103 mare era coada \u0219eptelului la u\u0219a faimei mele d\u0103 Castranova.<br \/>\nIart\u0103-m\u0103, Doamne-Doamne pentru acest mic debu\u0219eu erotic, dar chiar s\u00eem\u021beam nevoia s\u0103 m\u0103 descarc sentimental d\u0103 o povar\u0103 care m-apas\u0103 p\u0103 umeri \u0219i-mi aduce aminte d\u0103 tinere\u021bea mea d\u0103 b\u0103tr\u00een revolu\u021bionar. Culcu\u0219ica mea nu m\u0103 mai \u00een\u021belege, z\u00eece c\u0103 a trecut d\u0103 faza c\u00eend d\u0103dea p\u00eeine moka la maidanezii d\u0103 p\u0103 strada func\u021bie de care latr\u0103 mai frumos, monosilabic \u0219i \u00een ton cu muzica vremurilor. Am trecut \u0219i eu d\u0103 faza asta, c\u00eend st\u0103team, vorba lui nea Milogogu, cu speran\u021ba \u00eentr-o farfurie \u0219i cu lingura \u00een ailalt\u0103, p\u0103catele mele d\u0103 gurmand nes\u0103\u021bios, c\u0103 pofta vine url\u00eend, nu-i a\u0219a?! Dintre to\u021bi pretenii mei, Doamne-Doamne, cel mai mult \u021b\u00een la mine, c\u0103 Bogdaprostu a \u00eenceput s\u0103 m\u0103 lucreze p\u0103 la spate, da nu te g\u00eendi la chestii perverse gen miting pesedist pentru familia tradi\u021bional\u0103 compus\u0103 d\u00een acela\u0219i secs. El se pare c\u0103 a ales, nu s\u0103 uit\u0103 nici \u00een st\u00eenga, nici \u00een dreapta, ce mai, e karma lui \u0219i nu poci ca s\u0103 intru \u00een rezonan\u021b\u0103 cu ea. Tanti Nu\u021ba Cucu e mai a\u0219a, de-o par\u0219ivenie vecin\u0103 cu maleficitatea, d\u0103 am ajuns s\u0103 visez noaptea par\u021bial color.<br \/>\nD\u00een expertiza matale d\u0103 SUS-PUS, ce m-ai sf\u0103tui s\u0103 aleg pentru viitorul meu, \u00een afar\u0103 d\u0103 st\u00eenga, dreapta \u0219i spate? Cum vezi Matale fa\u021ba mea?<br \/>\nMaestre nu pot s\u0103-\u021bi spun c\u0103 nu e\u0219ti; Coane, nici at\u00eet, c\u0103 n-ai expertiza mea d\u0103 \u00cenaltv\u0103z\u0103tor, a\u0219a c\u0103 o s\u0103 te numesc, simplu \u0219i omenesc, Kakapiciu. E un fel d\u0103 zbur\u0103tor second hand, care scoate fum Euro 3, &#8211; c\u0103 fumezi, nu-i a\u0219a?! -, care s\u0103 beas\u0103-n versuri \u0219i zice c\u0103 e rime \u0219i are impresia c\u0103, dac\u0103 st\u0103 p\u0103 dreapta sau st\u00eenga mea, gata, m-a \u00een\u021beles. Sinaptrica energizant\u0103 a cosmosului \u00eemi spune c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 aprofund\u0103m tr\u0103irile tale pe viitor, c\u0103 e o absconsitate neagr\u0103-n existen\u021ba matale d\u0103 p\u0103m\u00eentean de nu \u0219tiu d\u0103 unde s\u0103 \u00eencep cu acest proces. Te a\u0219tept p\u0103 la mine prin gr\u0103dina cu verdea\u021b\u0103, c\u0103 am auz\u00eet c\u0103 te cheam\u0103<br \/>\nPINGUINU CU MUSTA\u021a\u0102<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nu m-a mai r&#259;bdat inima &#351;i am vorbit cu Doamne-Doamne, vizavi de ultimele evenimente d&icirc;n via&#355;a mea d&#259; p&#259;m&icirc;ntean &#351;i a voastr&#259;, evident, de c&#259;sc&#259;tori d&#259; gur&#259; &#351;i d&#259; oichi la abera&#355;iile cu care m-a &icirc;nzestrat Mama Natur&#259; s&#259; vi le prezint &icirc;n direct &#351;i-n reluare d&#259; c&icirc;te ori vrea mu&#537;chii mei. Simt c&#259; s&icirc;nt [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3039,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[826],"tags":[476],"class_list":["post-3381","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coltu-pinguinului-2","tag-coltu-pinguinului"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3381","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3381"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3381\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3039"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cronicadeseverin.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}